Searching within

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately; about life, church and my faith.  Like anything else Faith has many parts to it: faith in God,  ‘the system’ in which we live, humanity etc.

Life is a biggy isn’t it?  I think we all do a lot a thinking about our lives at some point, even when things appear to be perfect none of us ever know what’s just around the corner.  When things are not so good it can feel like there is no end to the struggles, pain and heartache, some of which are forced upon us by circumstances we have no control over but others are because of choices we made,  trust we’ve put in someone or something that turns out to have been misplaced or simply a total lack of confidence in our own abilities and strengths.

During the last eighteen years when troubled times arose I was always able to lean on the one thing no one else could touch, my faith.  But even this can prove difficult to hold on at times.

I haven’t been to church in a while – lots of reasons, but partly because when the very place you expect to find the ‘fruits of the spirit’ but don’t, that made me question everything again.  The phrase  “we’re only human” seems to me to be used all too flippantly as an excuse for less than acceptable behaviour.  Of course we are all only human and we all make mistakes and behave unacceptably on occasion but it’s how we then deal
with this that measures the man, or woman surely?!

Psalm 118:8 “It is better to trust in the Lord than to trust in man.”

That’s all well and good, and I’ve found this to be the case time and time again, but if we don’t trust anyone here on earth there is a real possibility that life could be very lonely.

Over the last couple of weeks two songs just won’t go away.  Unfortunately one of them isn’t available on YouTube, but it’s “More of You” by Mark Tedder and The Worship Planet Band – the lyrics could have been written for me personally to cry out to God in prayer:

WHEN I’M LOST in need of mercy
More of You, more of You
When I’ve wasted time You’ve given
More of You, more of You

And as this day will end
Let my praise extend…

When I’ve taken more than given
More of You, more of You
And when I leave before You’ve spoken
More of You, (Jesus) more of You

When I’ve wandered from Your presence
More of You, more of You
As I find my way to mercy
More of You, (Jesus) more of You

When I’m scared in need of clinging
More of you more of You
When I’m cold in need of holding
More of You, more of You

As I bring this life that’s broken
More of You, more of You
When I leave before You’ve spoken
More of You, (Jesus) more of You

The other is a golden oldie, but for me another prayer asking God to help me take One Day at a Time…

I’ve spent the last few months trying to find my strength in Christ again; getting back into a rhythm of daily reading, meditation and prayer and I don’t think I would have managed this so well without the support and love from a handful of dear friends.  One such handful (and they won’t mind me confirming that this is just what they are! 😂) are my lovely small group – my ‘church’ for the time being – which meets weekly and, despite my experiences in other churches, has continued to encourage and welcome me, regardless of the fact that I’m not currently attending the conventional church.  My family, few close friends and this one group of wonderful people, all of whom do display the ‘fruits of the spirit’ keep me grounded, help me take one day at a time as I seek ‘more of you Jesus, more of you.  These are the simple joys that make life something to rejoice and be glad of.

May your coming week be filled with love, laughter and an abundance of simple joys 💜


2 thoughts on “Searching within

  1. Don’t ever feel that you are the only person who has ever struggled with that bridge between the Lord and you or institutional Church and your own spirituality- it does happens to us all, whether that helps when you face your own struggles ?

    Sometimes it can be harder than others, never feel alone or guilty with the situation and remember when you are ready God is always there waiting,with no agendas but to love and help you.

    I don’t have your skill with words, so I hope this comes over as I intended.

    God bless


    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ahh bless you too Charon. It came across fine, thank you so much for taking the time to offer these such encouraging words 🙏🏼. Yes I know lots of people go through this, probably even more than we imagine. Sometimes it helps to get those thoughts/feelings out and I often find writing, rather than talking, better for reflecting on what I’m thinking.
      God bless you 😇 xxx


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